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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?